I am really really tired and very very frustrated tonight. Its 1am, I was up at 4am this morning to feed Holly cause she was left with a baby sitter yesterday who only fed her about 30-40 mls and gave up. So she had next to no milk during the day so she woke up to be fed. I've been slugging my guts out all day with cooking and the speech path's visit, cleaning up for L's party and in the mean time, making sure Holly is ok.
I'm really annoyed - I think more so at myself than anything. I wish I could just so no to people when they invite me places some times. I've been invited by the same person to two different events within two days of each other. The pretense is that their friends want to meet Holly. I get that she is a baby and people like to see babies, but sometime I feel like we are the circus freak - everyone come and see Prue and the baby. I don't want to sit with people I only know of through this person and have them ogle over Holly and give fake sympathy. I'm just not interested in going at all. I just don't know how to say no without offending people. I went off my nut at L before - not his fault - but I get all worked up. I am so busy worrying about keeping other people happy and making sure they don't think I'm being nasty or rude that I'm not happy and I'm doing things I don't want to. I just don't know how to word 'no I don't want to go'. I can give excuses but I hate doing that, I hate not being truthful cause its just not me to not be, I'm bad at lying. Me and my big mouth usually end up getting busted when I lie anyway, so I just don't bother. But then I end up in situations like this. I really don't want to go but I have to cause there isn't anything else on the calendar, I don't have anything else to do, I don't have a reason not to go - other than I don't want to sit around with a bunch of women I don't know while they ogle Holly and give me fake sympathy. I don't know the people, I don't believe I would have anything in common with the women. Aaaargh, I wish I could just say no.
Just say it :) I used to be the same though so I can't talk. Now when I'm invited to Mum's groups that I'm not interested in going to I tell them the truth - I have enough on with Noah (and my other boys) every single day with appointments etc that going out to one more thing is just like another appointment that I really don't need and because I get to make a choice whether or not to go, I choose not to go.
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