Pretty busy week...

I've been wanting to come on all week, I've just had a mixture of things to say and a mixture of emotions and Holly's been really really busy.
Tuesday L and I went to the dentist - FAR OUT they know how to charge. I think the man saw us walk in the door and saw dollar signs. Between the two of us, we were given a 'dental management plan', all up if we get everything that he says, it will cost us over $5,000. Unbelievable! L has never had a filling in his life and this guy reckons he needs 7. He told me that the pain I was feeling was cause of my wisdom tooth, then he told me it was because of all the decay around the tooth and he needed to take some x-rays to make sure the decay wasn't in the tooth. The x-rays came up totally fine, suggesting that the decay wasn't that bad. But his parting words to me were that if we did the work to the tooth and I was still feeling pain, I might need a root canal. It seemed like he was just looking for ways for me to spend money. We will get the work done, but not by this guy, we'll find someone a little cheaper I think!
Wednesday I had yet another injection into under my eye. This one really hurt, the others hurt, but not this bad! L took me in, we met my mum at the shops cause she had babysat Holly for the morning and then we took off to the physio conference. I can't remember if I wrote about it in my last post. She is being a demonstration baby at a physiotherapy conference. Its the advanced course of a type of physio called 'bobath'. Its not in the water, its just called bobath after the peoples surname who invented it. It was in Glenroy -over an hour away from where we live, it was a nightmare trying to get there. My GPS took me up one of the busiest streets in Melbourne. It was telling me that I had 6kms to go and I'd be there in 11 minutes or something - it takes like 20 minutes to get from one end of the street to the other. Anyway, we got there and I got introduced to the two girls who were going to be working on Holly for the duration, R and C. Both lovely ladies, probably only my age. The problem was Holly, she just screamed the whole time. The lady who was over from America to teach it took Holly for a few minutes, but she was just upset and nothing I could do could calm her down. We put it down to first day stuff, different environment, different people etc. But she slept the whole way home and was happy as larry for the afternoon.
My mother in law came over for our regular visit on Thursday morning. I didn't go out or anything, I had a good lay in bed until she got here at 9, then took the opportunity while she was here to have an extended shower and wash my hair and do stuff that I don't normally get a chance to do. I fed Holly some solids - which I might add is getting heaps better! I learnt that if I just support her chin a little, she will actually make chewing motions and swallow, not as much comes straight back out, and today, I only had to support her chin twice, the other times, she just did it herself! I'm so proud of her for doing so well. We took off back over to Glenroy, with a stop off at the childrens hospital to pick up Holly's new tumble form chair. We had another session of Holly just screaming the whole time she was with the physios. This time I put it down to the fact that she hadn't done a poo for two days. I left there and went and visited my dad, then went to my cousins for dinner.
Friday we slept in a bit again, L was home so I did the early morning feed and then went back to bed. Headed off to Glenroy. Holly was good for the first 10 minutes or so, then cried for about 20-30 minutes, then came good again. The physios were playing with her, getting her to mouth at a ball. It was really cool to see actually. She did well until she cracked it again! My friend T came over that night with a bottle of wine, it was great to catch up with her after not seeing her for a few weeks. We both needed a de-brief I think. L had soccer but it got rained out so he was home early.
Yesterday was my mother in laws 60th birthday. L took Holly out to a morning tea in the morning with all of my mother in laws friends. I got to stay in bed, it was absolute bliss. Just laying in bed without any compulsion to get up, not even having the thought in the back of my head that Holly will wake up soon, or I should be up. I was really appreciative that L offered to take her. My sister came over for lunch, and then we went to my sister in laws for afternoon tea, home by 6:30, had a late dinner and crawled into bed.
I've gotten pretty good at hiding my feelings by explaining the week away like this. I've written out what I've done, but nothing about my feelings. I don't want this to become a sterile account of my week. I have had some quite frustrating and sad times this week, but equally I don't want it to be a sob storey.
I had a sooky la la this afternoon. I was out getting some groceries and I cried in the car on the way home. I was remembering talking to my dad about our wills. L and I had ours drawn up a couple of weeks ago. Ours aren't as straight forward as normal - I'm pretty sure I've written about them before. But one of the things I'd said to Dad was that I wanted to make sure that Holly was properly taken care of if L and I die. I don't want her just dumped in a home all alone. I never want her to be alone. I was crying today cause she is going to be alone in heaven. I cried about this the other week with L. We don't know anyone down here that knows Holly that has gone to heaven and the people we know up there haven't met her, so how will they know who she is? Who will look after her up there? She needs to be taken care of while we aren't around, and there isn't anyone there for her. I'm crying now thinking about it again. I just don't want her to be alone. She needs to be cuddled, she cries if she isn't held. It just hurts thinking about it.