Feeling myself!

Its hard to believe its been since Wednesday since I posted last. So much has happened.
Thursday and Friday were days to write off, horrid, awful, yucky days.
Thursday was just the start. I was feeling pretty low, Holly wasn't well and grumpy and it was just playing on me. Normally on a Thursday I'd have my mother in law over to give me a bit of a break, but she was away so she couldn't come, I was just feeling trapped at home with a screaming baby. So, I decided I'd pick myself up and go to Chadstone for a shop. I actually put make up on for the first time in what I worked out to be a month. I put on my good jeans and a nice top and a nice scarf and went to the shops. Well, Holly screamed in the car the whole way there, but fell asleep basically as we pulled into the car park. I got her out and she started screaming again so I gave her some panadol to calm her down a little. I met my sister in law and we walked to the other end of the shops, then Holly started up again. Screaming. So I decided that I'd take her in to the parents room and feed her. I thought if she has a full belly and some panadol, at least she'd sleep for a bit and I can shop in peace. So I set myself up, got about 3/4 of the way through the solids and 1/2 way through the milk and she spewed it all back up. ALL OVER ME! I was completely covered in spew! It was on my top, all down my jeans (including in my crotch) it landed on Holly's jeans and on her socks, it went as far as the pusher, it was all over the frame of the pusher. I mean it was everywhere! And because I'd just finished feeding her pumpkin and carrot, it was orange everywhere. I know you have to laugh cause if you don't laugh you'd cry! So I tried to sponge off what I could off me with a cloth nappy but it was done. That was the end of my shopping trip. I made it as far as the parents room and back to the car again. I was really annoyed and (even though it is funny) it honestly upset me. I was just about in tears coming home, I felt so sorry for myself. The one day I was getting out of the house to try to escape just a little and I was bought crashing back down to earth. It was a very rough day. L and I had more fights that night. I just really really needed a break from Holly, I cried myself to sleep that night.
Friday came and I had to take her to the dietitian first thing in the morning. She is really happy with Holly's progress and how we are going on solids. We are up to trying meat and fish, then next week we can start with more carbohydrate sorts of things like oats and wheat's, then by next month we should look at dairy. Its sooo great seeing her eat, especially when she doesn't spew it back up all over you! But she's started moving her jaw like she's chewing. Its amazing. I don't think she'll ever chew, but its amazing to see her go through the motions. We were told she might not suckle, let alone that her jaw was low tone and she won't be able to control it, so to see her move it is amazing.
So after the dietitian I went down to visit T. We took the kids to the play center and had our lunch there. She is such a great sounding board for me. I love being able to just talk and know there are no judgements. I just hope that she doesn't get sick of me being negative.
I got home about 2 and my friend from work came over at 4. She had a play with Holly for about 10 minutes before L came home and we left to go and see Twighlight (which I LOVED!). We met 3 of my other work colleagues and I have to say it was the most fun I've had in such a long time. We all got our pop corn and watched the movie, then went and had some dinner. It was just sooooo good talking to real life adults about real life things and not have to think that I needed to tend to Holly, or worry f she was asleep or awake or being fed or anything. There was actually two occasions where my heart actually skipped a beat I was that happy to just be out and talking to people and away from Holly. We had a lovely Thai dinner with a glass of wine each. It was just ace! Its the first time in a very very long time I've been away from her for more than an hour - or for that manner, away from her doing something pleasurable. Most times when I do get an hour here or an hour there I'm usually off doing the grocery shopping or at the shops for something or at the counsellor talking about Holly. My whole world is about her, and as much as I love her to death, I just needed a break completely. I explained to L that its like being at a really bad school camp and only getting an hour for lunch once a week. I cam home from my girls night out so refreshed. I felt like me again. I felt like a normal person and in so much of a better mood.
I got up early with Holly on Saturday morning and gave her her breakfast because L took her out for lunch with his mum. So he left at about 11:30 ish, I got a chance to catch up on some emails, have a nice LONG hot shower (sorry mother nature, but I needed the water!) had the music blaring in the back ground and I cooked. A really lovely way to spend my Saturday afternoon. I had to make a cheesecake to take to my sisters for dinner. We had a lovely meal, roast.
Today we had my parents in law come over for lunch, L and I did housework this morning. That's all, that's my weekend gone! Its been a busy one really, but I feel sooo much more alive now than what i did at the start of it! I feel so much more my old self, ahhhhh, its nice to be back!